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FINDING & CHOOSING A SPONSOR
From Twelve Step Sponsorship by Hamilton B.
WHAT DOES A SPONSOR DO?
A sponsor's primary responsibility is to help a sponsee work the 12 Steps
- A sponsor helps us work the 12 Steps by providing explanation, guidance and encouragement.
- A sponsor helps us get established quickly in our Fellowship by explaining basic concepts and terminology and by introducing us to other members.
- A sponsor is a safe person whom we can learn to trust.
- A sponsor can answer the many questions that we can have as newcomers or develop as "mid-timers."
- A sponsor can help us in the process of self-examination that the Steps require.
- A sponsor encourages us to read the basic text of our Fellowship and other program literature and to engage in Fellowship activities and service work.
- A sponsor can monitor our progress, confront us when it is appropriate and generally help us stay on the recovery path.
- A sponsor confronts our behavior, not our being, and he or she does it with compassion.
- A sponsor reminds us to apply 12 Step principles in our lives.
- A sponsor models the 12 Step program of recovery.
- Our sponsor is available in times of crisis.
- A sponsor provides practice in building relationships.
WHAT A SPONSOR DOES NOT DO:
- A sponsor cannot keep us in recovery.
- A sponsor is not our therapist
- A sponsor should not attempt to control our lives or encourage an unhealthy dependence.
- A sponsor should not take advantage of us our exploit us in any way.
SOME FACTORS TO CONSIDER IN CHOOSING A SPONSOR:
- Has what we want
- Lives in the solution
- Walks the talk
- Has a sponsor
- Emphasizes the steps
- Has more time in recovery than we do
- Has worked more steps than we have
- Is available for telephone calls and meetings
- Emphasizes the spiritual aspect of the program
- Gender is the same as ours*
IF A POTENTIAL SPONSOR SAYS NO:
Some reasons are:
- The person is currently sponsoring as many people as he or she can handle. A sponsor who takes on too many sponsees does each of them (and himself or herself) a disservice.
- The person is not taking on new sponsees because of a heavy travel schedule, a planned move, or some other reason based on where he or she is in life or the program.
- After discussing the potential sponsorship, the person realizes the match would not be a good one. That conclusion is as much about the potential sponsor as it is about us.
- When potential sponsors reject our request for sponsorship, it is usually about them.
- It's a privilege to sponsor someone. And it's one of the ways we stay in recovery.
* This, as with all the suggestions here, is a general guideline. This may not be appropriate for recovering folk who identify as lesbian, gay, bi-sexual or transgender. Additionally, in many communities, some trusted "old-timers" may sponsor people of another gender. |
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